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Ah, sweet insomnia

Normally, I would be drooling and maybe snorting in my sleep right now, but I just finished up one my favorite weird obsessions: webcomic archives. I hadn't read Something Positive (www.somethingpositive.net) my computer died about a year and a half ago, so I researched to see where I left off.

Early 2007.

So I start reading. It updates (usually) one comic a day. Miss a comic in the storyline and you're lost. My butt hurts. This is almost as bad as going through the Sluggy Freelance (www.sluggy.com) archives.

After that, I finished reading volume 2 of "Looking For Group" (www.lfgcomic.com) that my brother-in-law got me Xmas. James is halfway through the first volume, and has never actually seen the webcomic.
Talked my Aunt Arlene yesterday morning, the one with Lymphatic cancer...she says she's doing well, despite everything... I haven't seen her since my wedding, which was eight years ago, and even though of everybody besides Hubby I wanted to have her there, I feel guilty for apart from her, even though there's nothing I can do... I'm in Missouri. She's in Texas.

I want to go to Texas, just to see her. Have no plan how or when I can accomplish this. I just want to see her before she goes, which a nagging feeling is telling me won't be long...

In an unrelated topic, something was here in the room with me earlier... I felt it, moving around as if it were studying me. That was the emotion I got from it. Curiosity. I would move my hand to one area, and the room felt "normal," though a bit cold, then when I moved my hand back to where my "visitor" was, the air was heavy and charged, as if someone were sitting there, and I could place my hands on their head. Then I got the strangest sense from it: amusement. I also have a feeling it is an adult male, but not someone I have met.

I am going to go enjoy some sleep now, before I start talking to my new friend. Whoops,too late.

General message

Just FYI...

The nice saleslady does not need to know details. Especially if she works in a bra department and you're a nice macho-looking guy that strangely looks like Luke from "Dukes of Hazzard." Yes, inform her quietly that you are trans-gender, and she will assist you politely, because you are, after all, not only human but a paying customer. Inform her that the bras are for you, so she can help you find your size.

If you get the sense that she is becoming uncomfortable with some of your questions, do as any other person would do, and back off. Do not try to test her reactions.

If she is becoming uncomfortable to the point of stammering and blushing, do not ask her to show you her department's sexiest negligee, especially when it is crowded with 40-something Midwestern housewives.

Do not pick up the sexy garment that appeals to you and ask continuously: "Are you sure this will fit me?"

After this, do not ask where the sexiest underwear is.

If you look like a man, don't request to go to the women's fitting room to try on sexy lingerie. You can try on anything you like, but store policy insists men must try on in the men's fitting room. Do not do right as you get in line with three people behind you.

A good salesperson will remain polite and helpful, even when she feels like hiding in the stockroom for a while. She can hide after you're gone. Please do not make her feel like doing so.

Finally, when the very nice saleslady signs her name to the receipt and ask you to go the store website to grade her service, give her a glowing recommendation worthy of promotion so she never has to endure that experience again.

Bad news

My favorite aunt has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphatic Cancer. She also has Diabetes and a heart condition.

She's survived multiple cancers and heart troubles before, and came through like a golden rose, but this time, I don't know...

I'll say one for my family: looking at our history, damnit, we know how to get sick! It's not gonna take one puny little disease to get us! It takes AT LEAST THREE!

"The gayest thing I've seen lately"

WARNING: The following link may cause irreparable harm to your sanity and opinion of Korea, and/or may prompt you to shower and clean your house.


I just got a kick out of these

untry. Here are last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7: 30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6: 36 p.m. traveling 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap - one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.


I have a co-worker who's be crushed on by one of our loss prevention guys. He came over one night, all dressed up in his nicest shirt looking for her, and we've been harassing him ever since. I was kidding her about it, how it was so cute that wanted to dress up and impress her. She said that she kind of liked him, but he was like, 12 years older than her.

"So? James is 11 years older than me..."

"Yeah, but that's finer for older people! I'm like, 20!"

...Wait, what?

Never got the chance to tell her I wasn't much older than her when I married James, and since when is 30 old compared to 20? Since when am * I * old?!

Conflicted, am I.

Ranty rant rant

Probably going to change our pediatrician because I took Mattie in the get her 6 month shots and they were out. Then, when I asked them about it again, they kept insisting I go to the nearest Health Department. And now they won't return my calls at all. James kept telling me that his work buddies never had this problem, and when I tell him I want to look into it, he kindly informs me that he's already made an appointment with Blue Springs Medical without talking to me first. And is surprised when I have a problem with this. This, while we are lying in bed, trying to get to sleep. And when I press him further, his blood pressure is conveniently elevated. And yet, he doesn't know what time, or even what DOCTOR he wants to go to! And he's not even the one who's going to be visiting the damn doctor! I've asked him, short of begging him, to come with me on Mattie's doctor's visits, and he always craps out at the last minute.

As usual, I'm sitting at home alone. Mattie's asleep right now, and I don't even have anyone I can call up and just talk to for the sake of talking to. I want to rant to a real person, and hear them rant back and not have to think about the people I'm ranting about reading it online and bitching to me about it. I've tried making friends out here, but there's no one I can really connect with. I have "work friends," but then I come home and suddenly everyone wants something.

The house is usually a mess because no one cleans up while I'm gone, and when I complain about it, I'm usually blown off or James makes some dumb comment that turns into a fight. And now my mother-in-law, though I appreciate her, is claiming our fighting is the reason for her poor health. What's really wrong with her health is that she won't get off meds that make her sick, she lives in a house that is so unsanitary that we will never take Mattie there, and she's old and winter is coming.

I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. I'm not here to clean up everyone's messes or be at anyone's beck and call, no matter how big of a pompous jerk they decide to be. I do not appreciate being insulted in any manner, talked over, blown off, etc.

James' favorite saying is: "If you're not happy, there's the door." As if the solution to all the problems is just leaving. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You don't walk away from your problems, you SOLVE them.

More to come, likely, but I'm tired and just want to crawl into bed.